When I grew up, being ‘ghosted’ meant I’d had a really great Halloween but of course, these days, being ghosted means something completely different.
If you’re not familiar with the term, it basically means that you have been speaking to someone and then suddenly, they cut you off. For example, you have met someone on a dating app, you have been getting on great (or so you thought) and then they disappear without warning.
It’s not a great feeling. One minute you’re making progress and the next, you’re back to square one with no idea of what you did wrong.
Here’s the good news. You didn’t do anything wrong. If someone has ghosted you without a second thought, it probably had nothing to do with you. It is likely to be more about them.
According to Psych Central, one of the top reasons that people gave for ghosting someone is that they didn’t want to hurt their feelings. Ironic, isn’t it? It could be that it just wasn’t right for them, and they didn’t know how to tell you. Chin up, there’s plenty more out there!
5 ways to avoid being ghosted
In reality, if someone is going to ghost you, there isn’t much you can do about it, but I have a few tips that may make it less likely or at least, less of a shock if they do disappear without a trace.
👻 Don’t take it personally
We live in a technological world which means that we don’t have to talk to each other the way we used to. Those awkward conversations don’t need to happen anymore because all we have to do is click a button and problem solved. Just see it as someone taking the easy way out and give yourself a pat on the back for not lumbering yourself with an idiot.
👻 Be honest from the start
If there’s one thing people hate on a dating app, it’s wasting time. Let them know what you are looking for early on (without getting heavy and proposing marriage in the first week) and give them the chance to walk if they’re not there for the same reasons.
👻 Don’t share your life story in the early days
You’ve got plenty of time to hear each other’s woes, just keep it light and avoid any serious conversations.
👻 Don’t try and meet up too early
Half the fun of a dating app is that you can play. I’m not getting dirty folks; I mean that online dating should make you feel young and silly. Get to know each other and learn things about each other before you set a date. You may end up talking to someone with serious confidence issues. They may be able to hide it behind a phone, but they won’t be able to hide it in real life. Don’t spook them.
👻 Be interested in them
Seriously guys, it’s not worth risking your life just to get a great selfie. No more needs to be said about that. Stay safe kids!
But what if you do get ghosted?
The truth is, if someone is going to ghost you, it’s going to happen no matter what you do, and it just means they weren’t the right match for you. But if you do get ghosted…
If you’re happy living in a selfie state and want to get it right, here are a few tips from me.
Do not send multiple messages in a plat to get them back!
Face the fact that they are out. Have a cry, throw back a gin and then move on to the next potential match. Don’t go chasing. It won’t help. It won’t make them regret their decision, in fact, it will probably enforce it.
If you do get ghosted, don’t let it knock your confidence. It may be a buzz term right now, but it actually doesn’t happen that often and if it does, you probably had a lucky escape.
On the other hand, if you are the one who is considering ghosting someone else, don’t! It’s not big and it’s not clever and it’s definitely not going to make that person feel good. Just have the courage to be honest and walk away with your dignity and morals intact.